Grieving is hard work… exhaustingly hard work

It’s strange to think of grieving and associate it with work… but honestly… it is more exhausting than any marathon or long run training I have ever done, more exhausting than any job (including being a mom) I have ever experienced.  It is a whole body job… it fills the heart, empties the brain, weakens the arms… then flip flops and empties my heart, fills up my brain and gives me crazy strength.  Weird. 

What does one do while working so hard through the process?  I don’t know… I am learning each day.  I am trying to cry when I need to… hug if I want to… talk about my dear all the time… help my other daughters… try to enjoy this time… try not to stay in bed… trying to find a balance in the happy and the pain, and the happiness in the pain.  If that makes sense to anyone then you are probably walking around, recently introduced into this club…

So again for now… I will work and work and work… and love some of the pain… and know that part of my lovely’s happy is in my sad… that this confusing and exhausting process is part of me, part of my family and part of forever. 

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