I love you to the moon and back- to infinity and beyond…

There are just days where I wish I could say those words to my lovely again… and get to see her dimple and smile and hear her giggle.  Life makes me miss her more, living makes me miss her more… every stepping stone, every sunny day, every rainy day, every new adventure reminds me of the hole in our family.

Apparently today I am missing my angel a ton, not that it ever changes in amount… but sometimes there aren’t a pile of things reminding me of her absence… To be here to see her Grammie and Grandpa and Uncle become neighbors, to pick out a costume and help me decorate for fall… to sit and watch Ellen after school when it was rainy and her sisters were sleeping… just everything.  It still hits me hard quite often that this is the real… that this actually happened and life is now lacking a physical Maddie.  That I am most likely going to be lacking Maddie for another 40+ years… and other moments I can’t believe it has been so long since I touched her, heard her or saw her… Time is so strange.

So like I always say… tomorrow I will wake up, get out of bed, make myself run… and try to keep moving and living and smiling and crying… all the things people do… for tonight I will just let the heavy sit… and the hard take over…


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