My mother in law has always joked with Matthew and I about how busy we always are… graduating college, moving, buying a house, planning a wedding, having a Maddie… and VERY soon after a Meme and Lucy… life has always been fast and crazy for us. Sometimes I wonder if we know any other way… if slow could ever work for us. In all of these circumstances we have had to rework our relationship, reconfigure our roles and try to take care of all that life would bring and our marriage. Sometimes, in our exhausted and busy state of mind, marriage was not the first thing, let’s be honest, was not the tenth thing that we were focused on.
Recently the importance and idea of what marriage really is, I think, hit me. In all of the uncertainty and sadness in our life right now, in all of the heavy and hard… now I find myself having to work the hardest ever to ‘find our marriage’. Many think a simple date will do the trick, some think a little get a way to figure out why we liked each other in the first place would help- me I am not so sure. We are trying to find our marriage in the busy and messy and happy and sad and living… trying to define, reconfigure and determine our roles in this grieving process, in parenting, as friends, as soulmates… just as us.
At the end of the day… I look back and wonder if I ever thought it would all be this hard. I wonder if I ever paid attention to the people who were happy and married for 50 years… if I will get to be one of those… no one gets to know what the grand plan for our lives is, what I am learning is that change is inevitable and going to happen all the time… if we want a partner in this journey to forever it will be work even when it’s happy.