So apparently I function much better when I have lots of diversions… whatever the diversion sometimes it’s just a thing that gets me through the day and helps my mind veer toward to non-crazy and not-always-sad side. Sometimes it’s a run, sometimes a little trip, sometimes a night out… sometimes a family day… whatever the case may be I am better busy.
Unfortunately, sometimes my diversion gives me another diversion the day after (the big sunglasses and drink lots of water kind)… then I wish I were more boring and stayed in and slowed down… that’s my today. I am looking forward to a slow down, we have been running through this season… so many events and diversions and traditions to get through. I think we are finally ready to slow down and feel it all… let this all soak in and hurt. It is time to think of exactly what I was doing last year and how I had absolutely no idea that it was the last Christmas craft, cookie making, tree cutting or present opening moment that Madeline would ever have- the last of these that we would be ‘us’. Man I miss ‘us’…
Where did this year go?
This year we have jam-packed diversions and I think it made the year move… what a freaking crappy and hard year. Everyone keeps asking for it to be done, for January to come. I can’t wait for March, for spring… to get through February… to actually be done with this year. I imagine next year won’t be better, but different, and we have to get through it. I imagine, year 2 is a lot less numb, and real… so I guess I will consider my New Year to begin in February and end off the winter and start with spring… new, fresh and brighter spring.


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