I freaking miss you.

As I put out gifts for your dad and sisters… there is only one for you.  I had 3 little girls last year, I had such a lovely and full Christmas… not this crazy, confusing and can’t figure out the tradition crap… Santa came early, there was no teeth brushing… stockings weren’t filled… we have this all wrong. 

I freaking miss you.  It is eating to my core.  I am empty and sad with out you.  A world with no Madeline Elizabeth Musto is not an amazing world…

Where are you?  What is today and yesterday like?  Is there a Christmas?  Do you miss me and your lovelies…???  I wish so much that you would come and bug me and make me know you were okay… but alas I am lonely. 

When will you come?  This time is horrible and hurts a ton.  Your dad and I need you to come, to bug us, to assure us that you are okay… and that we are moving in the right directions.  What a chaotic and messy life you left…

I miss you darling.  Merry Christmas dear…

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