Breathe Out…

I was driving home from a ‘photo shoot’ for an article our local paper is doing, an article about my friend (whose son is an angel like Maddie) and me… about how are so very similar and very different- but both choose to move and live and honor our angels.  As I was driving home I turned off the music, to kind of enjoy the quiet (though my husband’s car is not quiet and I am pretty sure the transmission is going to fall out soon, if that’s possible)… in the quiet I heard myself let out a HUGE breath.  I wonder how long I was ‘holding’ it and carrying the heavy of it.  I can’t really remember a reason for the breath, it wasn’t something I thought I was doing, yet I found myself holding my breath.  I let it out and felt good… lighter and more comfortable.  It made me wonder how often I did this and didn’t have an opportunity to hear myself letting it out.  Who knows…

Recently, I started to take 3 deep, stomachy, yogaish breaths right when I wake up- before I read the devotional that I am going to spend this year reading.  I hope in doing this it helps me pull my brain to focus mode and read the words of these psalms and understand them.  I am hoping a little extra oxygen will point my brain into the direction to listen and read better- so I understand better and in the end so I can pray.  Praying is supremely difficult for me… it always has been.  I am different now and don’t feel that what I used to think about praying is what it is… I think praying is just talking to God and knowing that I have a relationship with Him.  I think praying is pretty laid back, it doesn’t need an introduction, it doesn’t need to be spoken, it doesn’t need to be a complete thought… God already knows how He is going to fix it or help me, He knows what I need and He knows how I will finish my thought.  Praying is just when I open up to God and really know the relationship.  I am looking in myself to better acknowledge and feel my relationship with God.  I want to find more time in my life that I recognize Him and remember that He is there…

Whoa… back to breathing out… I think that was a reminder to me to breathe out more.  I need to exhale that big scary breath I hold many times just to walk through hard and smile through pain.  I need to let it out and feel the lighter, less heavy feeling.  I know it will help next time… I know it will help me move better, smile more, drive safer, play more, enjoy things, let things go… just live without an extra heavy breath coming with me.

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