Because I have talked so much about my ladies… and barely brushed on the other half that made them… tonight’s post is about Matthew.
When I met Matthew we were so young… I remember sometimes how I felt when we hung out or when we kissed… how involved we were in each others lives and families. It is strange now to look back on those memories and know how much has changed and evolved in our lives together. Life and marriage and parenting and living are so much harder than I thought, than we thought.
Let me really start with a description of my favorite guy, just ahead of my father… My Matthew is tall, skinny and very handsome. He is very, very intelligent and motivated to succeed. He loves computers and gadgets and gizmos… he loves upgrading and finding better software or hardware or methods of doing things. He is a very driven person… who never washes the dishes :). When we have a real conversation and I remember how much I love him and why – it is amazing. We are so different. He keeps me safe in ways that no one else can, he keeps me logical. I am the crazy and impractical one… I speak before I think. He helps me analyze and sometimes gets yelled at for doing that. His kindness and compassion often feel more serious and different than mine.
Sometimes he still gives me butterflies and makes me giddy. It is hard lately to find each other in all of this mess. We are so different at sharing feelings or not sharing… and helping or not… days when I am okay, Matthew is not… there are so many dynamics in our marriage that are SOOOO FREAKING HARD. I am determined though… I know there is no other guy that I want to get old and wrinkly with and sit in Adirondack chairs and watch sunsets and grand babies with. He is my guy, God made him for me. We make the cutest and coolest babies (we really do, honest).
Back to my guy… how else to describe him? He tends to jump straight to worst case scenario about situations… but he is logical about the solving. When it is medical conditions he is more apt to assume the worst but so calm and logical while doing so. When it is people… he basically tells me to let the mean buttheaded people go. He makes sense, almost all the time. He has the best smile… with 2 dimples and nice teeth. He always looks good and nice and handsome. I walk in with my stinky running clothes and he’s all done up with work pants and a fitted shirt… and he smells great. (Don’t worry I clean up nice ;)).
Anywho… I know that for all the stuff we have gone through we are still here. We are still fighting to survive and thrive and smile. Lately we will take any smile or laugh or kiss we can get… given the nature of our ‘new normal’. I know this road is, honestly, the hardest road we have had to take and almost any marriage can take… but I know Maddie knows we were meant for each other. Someday soon I know I will have a lovely date with my husband… and we will laugh and smile and cry and tell stories and share hurt and share happy… and we will live, move, breathe and survive… we will be we, we will stay we.