I can’t shake this cold..

It is so cold outside… so cold.  I don’t remember feeling this cold in a long time.  I think last years warm and bright winter was a gift to us.  I think God knew I would give up if I was trapped in my house and the sun didn’t shine and I was this cold.  He did.  I am now faced with figuring out what to do with this freaking cold winter.  My insides feel cold and my head and heart feel lonely.  This cold gets right into your soul… some think it’s invigorating, others hate it… me it just brings my spirit down.  I am also brought back to exactly what I was doing last year at this time, exactly how many days left I had last year to snuggle and touch and see my lovely… and now she is an angel.  I still am in awe that it could have been a year… it could be so long ago already.  I didn’t think I would make it this far, actually I didn’t look ahead far enough to think that the world would still function this far ahead last year.

I long for a nice, powerful and lifting run… to prove I can do it, to prove I can move… I need it.  I wish I were in warm right now.  I wish we just headed out and disappeared for a few days… to see the sun, feel some warmth, find a smile… I can feel the heavy coming.  I can feel the sad coming.  I am sick of the salty, dirty gray and cold of my favorite state, of our home, of Maddie’s Spot.  Who knows maybe a little disappear is in our future… maybe we can go find some sunshine and happy and lift our spirits… I think I need it to move, smile, live, cry and run…

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