So I guess we made it… we climbed, we ran, we moved and we jumped through one year with no Madeline. I thought it would take longer or move slower or not happen… I guess in retrospect I didn’t think through to it, but it came. My brain honestly can take one thing at one time… or else… so I probably had so many things leading to ‘One’ that it became a one thing.
One event, one moment, one day, one holiday, one doctor’s appointment, one school assignment, one night out… anymore in the schedule that my brain sees and I will be overwhelmed, stressed and not-so-functional. Which is ridiculously hard… because I usually juggle a million things and people have expectations… what time will we get there? What will we eat? What is the plan? Silly people- plans are for normal people. If the world could see the chaos in my brain they would wonder how I drive my girls, remember Odyssey of the Mind or Gymnastics or dinner… and they would see how often those things fall out of my brain. Oh well… I guess we get to bedtime most days and I don’t expect too much more most of the time.
One year and now 3 days since I saw my Mads. It is so stupid that I have so many more of this type of anniversary to move through… stupid.
The weekend was better than expected… chock full of people, food, wine, events that I had to do no work and seeing lots of people remember my Maddie. It was celebrations and distractions… a couple days of being with Maddie’s people… I hope that forever they do this… they better, they must.
So here we are moving, living, remembering, smiling, crying, showing off, running and working through Year Two… and we already have a few days gone.