Think I smiled a bunch today.

Thank you God for the sun today.  Thank you for a day that reminded me of flip flops, outside runs and hitting up a playground soon.  I found myself smiling several times today… laughing at little Lucy quips, thinking ahead to summer and enjoying the need for my sunglasses today. 

It’s funny how different I am when the sun is out… I walked upstairs to the classroom for my Boot Camp class and was laughing and telling stories and talking about the girls, their personalities and my messy car.  It was so pre-last year feeling.  I didn’t feel like I was pushing a front… and trying hard to feel happy.  I don’t know if I would say I felt ‘happy’ or ‘joy’… I just felt like me.  I felt a little like old me… man I miss her.  I miss big parts of her… but there are parts of ‘new me’ that I love way more than old me, I guess.  I miss her ability to feel and carry and help people… I miss her light.  I love ‘new me’s ‘ ability to not care about silly things, let things go and her ability to move, laugh, cry, smile, hurt, live and be even with all that has happened in her life. 

I think life and who we are is roughly based on the circumstances and how we handle them… how we live through them.  Sometimes just hanging on is the strongest thing you can do… sometimes letting go is key.  I think the biggest life lesson the I have learned is listening to ‘me’… ‘new me’ and ‘old me’… listening to whether to let it go or to hang on… to focus on energy and move toward to positive… to refocus when I am not listening to me… I hope I love the ‘next me’s ‘… I wonder what they have to contribute…

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