I read an article or blog or book a while ago, about a woman who had and extremely hard life, marriage, hardships, burdens… and still came out alive.  She referred to herself as too adaptable… and I often think about that word.  I wonder if it is what gets me to where I am, and if I am too adaptable.  I might just be too stubborn to crash or too adaptable to give up- I must find a new way to survive every situation.

Is adapting a good thing?  Is it a way to overcome?  Is it a way to win?  Does it allow you to enjoy what you have and move through life’s hardship with lessons learned and appreciation for the ‘good stuff’?

I don’t freakin’ know.  I know that a word that would describe me in so many areas of my life would be adaptable.  I can survive almost anything the world can throw at me.  Am I glad I can?  Sometimes.  Do I wish I could just sleep through some things and not evolve and adapt?  OH, YEAH.  This woman I am writing about described herself as adaptable in a bad marriage.  That she just adapted to the status quo… and accepted the junk.  Do I do that?  Or am I fighting for a real reason?  I wonder why I am still here in this confusing, heavy and hard relationship… to this person I used to know… and I am here.  Still here.  Am I just stubborn and tough?  Or is there more?

I think about it in the same way I do Madeline.  I know Madeline is in heaven.  I don’t know how I know that.  There is no textbook or journal that I read that proves she is there.  I just know.  There is something telling me that I know that God made Matthew for me.  Something telling me that I KNOW I NEED TO BE HERE.  (please remind me of this often, because I am tired).   I fear that I just adapt and believe that we should be together, blah, blah, blah… but there is something in me telling me we should be together.

Am I too adaptable?  Does my mind find ways to survive this and live and move?  I don’t know… I would love you to let me know your thoughts…


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