I read an article or blog or book a while ago, about a woman who had and extremely hard life, marriage, hardships, burdens… and still came out alive. She referred to herself as too adaptable… and I often think about that word. I wonder if it is what gets me to where I am, and if I am too adaptable. I might just be too stubborn to crash or too adaptable to give up- I must find a new way to survive every situation.
Is adapting a good thing? Is it a way to overcome? Is it a way to win? Does it allow you to enjoy what you have and move through life’s hardship with lessons learned and appreciation for the ‘good stuff’?
I don’t freakin’ know. I know that a word that would describe me in so many areas of my life would be adaptable. I can survive almost anything the world can throw at me. Am I glad I can? Sometimes. Do I wish I could just sleep through some things and not evolve and adapt? OH, YEAH. This woman I am writing about described herself as adaptable in a bad marriage. That she just adapted to the status quo… and accepted the junk. Do I do that? Or am I fighting for a real reason? I wonder why I am still here in this confusing, heavy and hard relationship… to this person I used to know… and I am here. Still here. Am I just stubborn and tough? Or is there more?
I think about it in the same way I do Madeline. I know Madeline is in heaven. I don’t know how I know that. There is no textbook or journal that I read that proves she is there. I just know. There is something telling me that I know that God made Matthew for me. Something telling me that I KNOW I NEED TO BE HERE. (please remind me of this often, because I am tired). I fear that I just adapt and believe that we should be together, blah, blah, blah… but there is something in me telling me we should be together.
Am I too adaptable? Does my mind find ways to survive this and live and move? I don’t know… I would love you to let me know your thoughts…