I <3 heart beats…

I love putting Lucy to bed and snuggling into her just one more time… telling her “MMMM… Lucy’s just taste so good… best.lucy.ever”.

What I love most about it is burying my head into her chest and hearing her heart beat.  I used to listen to Madeline’s a lot… I don’t do it so much to Amelia.  I just kiss her and tell her, “best.meme.ever… I love you booger butt”.  Lucy though has this snuggle and soft about her… for all that crazy boy she exudes, she’s a softy.  I love to hear her heart.  Its such a calming sound for me.  I still can hear Madeline’s heart just before she died… it was so different than before.  I am glad I could still hear it while I could, though.  I like the way my head fits onto Matthew’s shoulder/chest to hear his heart beat.  I don’t know what it is about hearts… they are just these amazing little organs- devices that keep us alive… until they don’t beat anymore.  Strange post I know, but just wanted to let my thoughts out.  I like looking back and knowing that I wrote down certain thoughts- you know in case I forget or go crazy or become a different ‘me’.

I look forward to Lucy’s heart beats… she is totally going to think I am weird when she is older and I still put my head there to hear.  Oh well- weird is a good place for me.  I have never fit into any mold… and in most recent years have not even tried… I’ll stick with weird mommy, and pray that until my heart stops beating I can still snuggle up my Lucy, feel her warm and cozy and listen to her heart beats…

miss you lovely… miss your lil heart beeps.

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