I love putting Lucy to bed and snuggling into her just one more time… telling her “MMMM… Lucy’s just taste so good… best.lucy.ever”.
What I love most about it is burying my head into her chest and hearing her heart beat. I used to listen to Madeline’s a lot… I don’t do it so much to Amelia. I just kiss her and tell her, “best.meme.ever… I love you booger butt”. Lucy though has this snuggle and soft about her… for all that crazy boy she exudes, she’s a softy. I love to hear her heart. Its such a calming sound for me. I still can hear Madeline’s heart just before she died… it was so different than before. I am glad I could still hear it while I could, though. I like the way my head fits onto Matthew’s shoulder/chest to hear his heart beat. I don’t know what it is about hearts… they are just these amazing little organs- devices that keep us alive… until they don’t beat anymore. Strange post I know, but just wanted to let my thoughts out. I like looking back and knowing that I wrote down certain thoughts- you know in case I forget or go crazy or become a different ‘me’.
I look forward to Lucy’s heart beats… she is totally going to think I am weird when she is older and I still put my head there to hear. Oh well- weird is a good place for me. I have never fit into any mold… and in most recent years have not even tried… I’ll stick with weird mommy, and pray that until my heart stops beating I can still snuggle up my Lucy, feel her warm and cozy and listen to her heart beats…
miss you lovely… miss your lil heart beeps.