Jennifer Nettles and Some Sugarland oldschool…

I have always listened to music and thought of how it relates to my life, either now or in a different time.  Sometimes it helps me reflect on that situation or piece of life and be glad there is someone who can put it into words and share.  I have always, always, always loved Sugarland.  I love the rock country stuff, I love the soft stuff… but I love Jennifer Nettles.  She can make you feel, she can share an emotion and an experience and it brings you to it.  It is a gift.  I have related to her music through the years and usually carried along my little anthem of that time… Stuck Like Glue (to a younger and more fun time in my life and relationship), Baby Girl (to a more- if you can believe I could be more nieve and young- time for me), Something More (when I felt like a crazy and lonely at-home-mom), All I Wanna Do (I can still hear Madeline singing do-oo-oo-oo-oo… miss her and her back up singing)…

The song Already Gone, never fit fit into my life… parts did.  I felt that I fell for the brown eyed boy, and it was far too soon… but no one could have stopped that- especially back then.  I am a stubborn and bossy lady, and I like when life works out the way I want it to.  I have learned, mostly by making mistakes or pushing things that weren’t meant to be, that sometimes it is best to step back and let life and others take care of it and guide life.  Until recently my life didn’t fit the last part… the divorce.  I am learning more about that as each day comes…  it was like a “… life’s like a runaway train you can’t wait to jump on”.  We were in such a hurry to grow up and build a life and create life, we moved too fast.

Now here we are in a crazy, confusing and weird transition.  We have 3 amazing kids, one just happens to be an angel, the other two need us to figure this out in the kindest and most gentle way.  I can’t really see it any other way, even when it hurts.  I am just mad, mad does things to a person.  My mad looks like Amelia’s mad.  I am very ill equipped to handle my mad.  I don’t feel as mad lately, kind of like a peace has come to me.  I know this is the future, I know I tried, I know that it is in life’s best interest to let go and find life again.  I don’t plan to do that without Matthew.  I don’t think a completely separate life would be best for my girls.  I think we will find the way, just have to keep chuggin’, keep movin’, keep breathin’… someday this wont hurt so much.  Someday… this will be more tangible.  I hope and pray that we look back and know that we did this part right and took the best care of our lovelies… I hope Madeline lets me know she is ok and not angry… maybe she knows this is the way.

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