baby a

baby b

Life is a miracle.  Living is a gift.  Creating life is truly amazing.  I am more often than not impressed and amazed by all of the miracles that people treat as regular, normal life.  I also love how God mixes life and living with death and grieving.  Most don’t see it that way but they are so entwined… they are so connected.  When one persons world is breaking, crumbling and stopping- another soul can be born and bring a family light, joy and a sleep deprived that you can only understand with a new baby.  I would have never understood the true scope of life, death, living, grieving, being, seeing, knowing, believing, surviving, achieving and creating… I would have never seen the joy in the sad, the happy in the tears or the life in death.  To many these words fly over your head, out the door and off to China.  You feel that none of these things, these regular ordinary life miracles, can be connected and entwined.  Believe me though… they are.

Yesterday marked two years since the last moment that I saw Madeline breathe, the last heart beats her whole heart ever took, the last time I held her hand and felt her skin- still as Madeline. Two years ago I put Madeline’s pearl earring’s back in her ears and entrusted her body to the nurses and hospital staff… I was no longer her caretaker. Her soul was gone and her body didn’t need me anymore.  Two years ago I left a hospital with out my lovely… We drove away and felt huge pain for the empty car seat.  It was the first change we made, two new car seats. The miracle doesn’t lie in this part… but in the life before and after.  The light that Madeline has given so many… the prayers that were answered… the fact that we were carried and helped and fed and supported- that was a miracle.  I know that there was a great miracle in the time that Madeline had, the fact that she was our Madeline for the longest she could be.  I know she was ready to be with God and be at peace.  That is a miracle.  The miracle of her soul living still.

Life is mixed with death.

Yesterday on this heavy and hard anniversary, one of my oldest and closest friends, gave birth to a healthy, lovely set of twin girls.  She wanted nothing to do with February 8… she wanted her girls to have their own special day and for it to not hurt people to think of her daughters’ life and my daughter’s death.  God had a different plan for those girls.  They are a miracle for a million reasons… one of which is their job and role in showing people how we are all tied together and entwined.  Those girls were a prayer for their parents for many years… they were planned and hoped for and there was loss and hope and hard and grief… and now they are here.  They were born about nine months after their grandpa passed away very unexpectedly.  In the loss of her dad and the hurt and grief… these two miracles started to grow and prepare.  They are healthy, perfect, pink and beautiful little new babies.  They are already loved so much.  Miracles… they were a special and double gift to two new parents.  They were a gift of life in a couple years of great loss for many of our families.  They are a direct connection to the ones that we have lost, I believe and know that Madeline and their angels have already met them, kissed them and sent them here with a job and a journey.  I know God works like that.  They will forever bring joy to a time that is hard, they will forever bring love to those who hoped and prayed so hard for them.  They will be a challenge, they will break, hurt, lose and make mistakes- but they are a gift.  They are a set of miracles. In a couple days they will drive away in the hospital full of excitement, fear and completeness. They will have their two car seats and a new life. They will be in charge of some tiny miracles…

With life comes death, with living comes loss.  The gift in the loss and death- is grief.  Grief is often thought of as a terrible thing.  Imagine life with no grief… imagine loss with no grieving.  Imagine if when our amazing, kind people go to heaven- we just moved on and life was just the same and nothing touched our heart or soul.  I can’t imagine losing such a gift, such a miracle, only to move on as if no part of me was gone.  Grief is that, understanding the part of you that is gone.  Grief is understanding what you have lost, what you have gained and finding a way to bring that into your forever.  I see the beauty in grief.  I appreciate the work involved in grieving.  I love the hurt and tears- they help me see the good, remember the best and feel Madeline.

We are blessed.  We are connected.  We are carried.  We are loved.  We live, we lose, we grieve… we laugh, we cry, we feel, we share, we enjoy, we hurt, we heal… we are all MIRACLES.  Thank you God for all of my miracles.  Thank you God for the blessings.  Thank you for the gifts, the lessons, the strength and the vulnerability.  Thank you for life, thank you for grief…

Welcome to the world lovely ladies… there is so much for you to see, do and learn.  It is going to be a good life…  smile, breathe, cry, enjoy, be, grow, share, create, learn, apologize, believe and live.  We never know what life has in store for us, what God’s plan is… we may have a long life, or a short one.  Make it the very best one.  ❤


3 thoughts on “Miracles.

  1. Can I borrow some of your outlook, maturity, and perspective?! Wise beyond your years! Love you so much and so proud of you for being there for your new mommy friend! Proud to be your “sister”!



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