Some might say that Madeline wasn’t prepared… that we should be angry about this loss… that there is no way that a good God could do this.
I know that she was ready. She prepared us. Tomorrow is Amelia’s 100 days of school celebration… Madeline left this world on hers. For a few weeks before Madeline’s 100 days we worked together picking pictures. I had these awesome girls, that just can’t accept doing a board of 100 cheerios or candies… (thank God)… so when it was Madeline’s 100 days I asked what would you like to do? She thought maybe 100 beads or something… and I told her that wasn’t ‘us’. She said what about 100 pictures? I thought… that’s a great 100 things. So we got working on it. I sat with her and we looked through the abundance of pictures we have and she chose (I copy and pasted them to a PowerPoint) the moments in her life and the people she loved… she laughed and pointed and asked questions… I just copied and pasted. I loved it. I was so proud that this was her project and I didn’t make one of those boring kids with cheerios (no insult to your child who did cheerios)… but I loved this. I loved the moments spent with her bony butt on my lap picking and talking and rejecting… I loved it. I also loved that I really had no idea that she was sick and would be gone in a matter of weeks. It was such a gift…
So these are her moments. Her chosen moments. I remember coming home the day after diagnosis needing to tackle the last 15 or so moments and go back to fresh Madeline. I remember Raquel and Molly sitting together and making this board with Madeline’s pictures the night that we left our house last… I wanted Madeline to bring her board to school and her Valentine’s to school. Her board came to school and I want to bring it back tomorrow… I want to remind those teachers and nurse and everyone at Bradt of Madeline and her moments… and her spirit.
This is a gift. I know that Madeline was guiding us to prepare… I don’t know if she knew what death was, but I am sure she knew what the life she was going to have after death was. I know that. I love those moments that I can look back and know she was ready… it makes my/our journey easier. Enjoy her board, her moments that she wanted to be a part of her ‘100 moments that make a Madeline’… and next time you are rushing to finish your 100 days project or whatever it may be… don’t do cheerios.
❤ mads. to infinity and beyond… to the moon and back. love you butthead.