A bit of normal… in the midst of chaos

Today felt normal, minus Matt.  I think the difference is that it didn’t even feel like he should have been a part of it.  I guess that’s a move in the right direction, toward clear and real boundaries and divorce.  It is still hard to say those words out loud- DIVORCE.  It’s like a knife or something poking me.  It hurts to think we failed.  I can’t even remember succeeding…

We woke up and got ready really quick to head to the Y, so I could get a long run (ish) in and get back on track with this 1/2 marathon training.  Then we came home, watched TV, got ready for Lucy’s friends birthday party and Amelia had a date with our ‘Quel (kind of an aunt).  It was nice to head to the party with Lucy while Meme was enjoying some special time.  After the party… we headed home and I made a big taco dinner.  I never get to cook for people anymore.  It is one of my favorite things and one of the biggest losses in this separation.  Not only is Matt gone and some other relationships strained… but I don’t often feel like having people over, or it doesn’t work into others schedules to come over.  I miss that.  I grew up in the crazy, loud and family oriented dinners and parties… its hard for life to be so quiet so often.  So having our ‘Quel over and the girls uncle for tacos was a treat.

Then in true Musto form we had to find an adventure for the evening… around the corner from our house there is a Roller Rink and they were hosting a Roller Derby.  So- there it was.  A Musto Adventure.  What a cool and different crowd and experience.  I was totally impressed to see those girls get out there and 1. Skate  2. Push Past  3. Stay Up  4. Get Pushed, Banged into, Knocked over and fall… all for a competitive game of Roller Derby.  Impressive.  Seriously Brave.  I could not do it.  The energy in that rink was so good… competitive and positive and fierce.  I loved it.  I, of course, can’t even consider joining… with my lack of competitive gene, hate of bruising and did I mention I am a clumsy lady???  It was awesome though.  I will watch it again.

I love taking the girls on all sorts of adventures.  Things I may not have seen or tried… or things I remember I loved and sometimes things that really scared me.  I want them to experience it all.  I want them to be bold and creative and try things… even if it isn’t what I planned for them.  I want them to grow up and think hard about whether or not they want a tattoo, but if they do- I want them to get it because they want it… not because someone told them to or not to.  I want to them to try things that scare them… even if they seem easy to me.  I want them to chose to not listen to me sometimes, even though it is hard when they don’t… how else will they become the Amelia and Lucy that they are capable of without me.  I love when they are all excited and proud of something I do… like the Polar Bear Plunge, running a Marathon, speaking at an event… whatever it is.  I love when they are proud of me.  Madeline loved that I ran.  It was such a motivation to me, to prove to myself that I can do it and I won’t fail- and to see how proud she was that I did something that scared me some.

Tonight’s adventure was fun and easy and light.  Amelia was dressed in pretty normal Amelia clothes… and was complimented by a Roller Derby Skater… maybe that is the comment that will stick in her brain.  Her hot pink footless tights with stars on them were really noticed by one of the skaters… I wonder… I left our house thinking of how she looked like Carrie Bradshaw must have looked when she was 6- but that skater saw roller derby :).  Who knows what types of things my girls will love… who knows what adventures they will take and what will stick with them…

I am going to bed tonight thanking God for some semblance of normal… a bit of old with a bit of new… I am going to bed with a feeling that it is going to be okay for us…


❤ you darling.  Thought about you and your one roller skating adventure… thought about how great it would be to have my three chicks watching a derby…



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