Stupid March.

Let’s just talk about the obvious.  Seriously… when will I not be cold!  I miss regular March, you know the one that comes in like a lion and out like a lamb (vice versa).  I think this March (the lion only version) pretty much sucks.  I should be skipping around in a dresses and light jackets and rainboots… I should be showering and putting cute clothes on almost every day (Be lovely. Do Amazing.)… I should be setting up a picnic in 40 degree weather and my girls have to eat with mittens still.  I used to have a force BBQ in March… it would be a ‘summery’ spring day and I would go all out and make summer salads and grill out and try hard to get Matt to eat outside (to no avail people who weigh in at less than 150 and are not grown ups hate being cold).  Where the hell is the few days warm streak?  The sunny morning runs that start off cold and end with a tank top and the start of tan lines… grrr…

I am totally just stating the obvious, that unless you live on the equator, it is still winter and acting like February still.  I guess not February… it is light at dinner time and milder.  This has been a not-so-normal March.  I guess it has been a few years since I had a good March.  I don’t know.  I love March.  It is the true start of spring, with not so many allergies.  It is my birthday month… and my birthday is the 30 so I can celebrate the whole month minus one day.  It is a month when I start to feel the sun come out more and hibernation mode to subside.  It’s a month that used to be special for being Matt and I’s dating anniversary, My grandma’s birthday, the ice storm, St Patrick’s day… lots of good stuff.

It’s all different now.  I don’t know if it is just ‘getting older’ or if I can’t find joy in the anticipation of my birthday.  It used to be the best feeling… like not knowing the gender of your kids.  I loved that for one day I got surprises and cake and spoiled.  I loved that on March 6 if I was having a crappy day I would just let it go and think ‘it’s my birthday month’.  I feel like a lot of the pain in this birthday is the changes.  All of the loss is so prevalent still.  I am also very able to see the blessings, but the loss feels heavy this year.  I know that someday, maybe soon, it won’t feel so heavy to carry it all.  I know that I need to put a lot of it down and let it go.  I am sure there are many amazing and fun and beautiful things to come.

So… welcome April this year.  There are many amazing and fun and special things in April to look forward to.  I will keep my head up and jump into April.  I think April might bring true spring… blooms, buds, pollen, growth, green… warmth, rain, sun and some sort of change from this season…

 

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