always amazed…

Jesus

Tomorrow is a big day…after a holy week of preparation and reflecting we are going to bed tonight to wake up on Resurrection day.  I think about and told the girls about how on Friday it was the day the Jesus died.  I told them how painful his death was and how they were trying to punish him for being Jesus… how God had a big plan.  When Jesus died and came back to life heaven was opened.  Madeline is in heaven because Jesus died, a really painful and public death.  I am thankful for Jesus’s struggle and ability to trust his Dad.  What would our world be like if He never came… He never died… He never rose?

Death looks different to me now.  I used to not really think about heaven and how blessed we are that our lovelies and family are there.  I used to not think about the pain that Jesus went through, the way that must have felt to see your son in pain… life and death are so different now.

This year is the first year that Madeline and Matthew are gone… and it is weird to think what it will look like.  Matt asked if he could come for coffee and eggs and stuff… my sister is here for the weekend.  We are going to mass and maybe breakfast… I think we will go to Maddie’s Spot for a walk… and send the girls to dinner with Matthew and his family.  I don’t know.  I guess we will play it by ear.  I remember a time when I was a part of Matthew’s family and I am sure  it will come again, but it can’t really work right now.  I remember a time when it didn’t feel like the world was lacking so much… someday it might feel better.  I remember a time when I prepped three girls and made plans and dressed them up the same and visited my nana… and enjoyed spring with our ‘we’.  I guess a bit of gift in that is that back then I didn’t understand the sacrifice and the importance of it… the great gift of Jesus’s death and rising… the importance of heaven.  Always a gift in the hard…

❤ happy easter my darling.  Miss you always…

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