… right where I’m supposed to be.

refreshRefresh.

In all the hard and messy that the past few weeks brought, I knew we needed a break.  The girls and I needed to find a place to get away and figure out Mother’s Day… and just refresh our bodies, minds and soul.  In true Big Guy form, I was thinking what can we do this past weekend, where can we go… and my mind ‘remembered’ a few weeks ago when a friend (who has been there for parts of this journey before Maddie and after and is now part of a Word of Life Ministry in Schroon Lake, NY) Becky invited me (or me and the girls up) for a couple conferences that were in May.  At the time she invited me, I thought maybe we can get up there… but life is crazy busy.  Then came these past couple weeks…

Life kind of stopped.  I spent a lot of days not sleeping well, wearing no bra and a tank top with no pants (for any who know me that is a weird spectacle), eating not much and being on the phone way too much.  The girls got the crappy end of the stick that week.  I knew it was time to get my butt up, make sure everyone made it to school and get the things in order that I needed to get into order.  I had to get my butt functioning.  I did.  I refocused and knew we had to get away to somewhere… and then my brain remembered that invite.  I ran back to my computer and messaged Becky and told her we were in.  I told her I would be there Friday for the Single Mother’s Retreat filled with God, simple and fun activities… the lake and just a new place.  I also asked her to tell me exactly what to pack… since this Erin brain was tired, overwhelmed and overworked… and she did.  I did forget until the last moment that I have a dog to find care for… but thankfully I have kind neighbors and friends who can walk a weinie and give her love.

So… off to Schroon Lake we went… I was blown away when we pulled up into the Inn.  I was anticipating a camp or little retreat place… what an awesome campus it was.  It was exactly where we were supposed to be.  We got there and set up in our room, grabbed dinner, caught up with Becky and her kids… and prepped for Worship.  I am Catholic and at first it was hard to feel comfortable singing and really letting myself feel the music.  It was awesome music.  The songs were like prayers and bold statements of love for God and all Jesus has done.  I loved it.  The speaker that night, was the same for the whole weekend.  She was so welcoming and comfortable sharing her story and her beliefs and faith.  Her message was exactly what I was supposed to hear.  It is funny how that happens.  God does things like that often.  He plants us right where we need to be, to hear things we need to hear, to meet those we are supposed to meet, to share with those we are supposed to share with… He is good like that.  I felt very close to Him this past weekend.  I listened, I shared, I wrote, I thought and I prayed…

There were fun activities and way too much food… it was awesome and there wasn’t even wine!  The girls laughed and ran and were safe and happy.  I woke up on Saturday and went to breakfast and Worship… I kept notes and ideas during her speaking.  I signed myself up for something I had never tried.  I thought of Laurel and how she loves riding horses.  I went to the desk on break and signed up for a trail ride at the Ranch.  I was excited and nervous.  I took the girls to the playground and sat with my journal, and wrote… I thought of posts, prayers, ideas, what God has done with me, what I know about my God… and pondered a lot.  I started a project I have been bouncing in my brain for a long time.  I think God was telling me it was time…

write there

It was Refreshing.  Just what the doctor ordered and what the weekend was about.  I set out on my little adventure that afternoon and was excited.  I pulled into the Ranch and could smell horse poop and see all the beautiful horses getting ready for a trail ride.  I was scared to hop onto the saddle, but did ok.  I was all lined up and ready before I realized that Walter (my horse) was kind of a terd.  He didn’t like to listen to me, he kept trying to pass the horse in front of me… I was pretty scared I would be the reason that the 8 year old girl in front of me got bucked off…  I was working on finding nature and enjoying- but Walter was a terd.  I enjoyed it, know I want to do it again- with a simple and easy horse.

horse

I headed back to the Inn for jewelry making with the girls.  Amelia made me super fancy purple earring and Lucy made Amelia a pair.  It was a really nice afternoon.  Dinner, Worship and swimming… then a good nights sleep.

It was just what we needed.  Honestly… as per normal when we have a need and I listen to the little things in me He will send me in the right direction.  It was a weekend away from the soap opera that my life looked like at that moment… and it felt clearer and better when I walked into my house yesterday.  I felt better, lighter and ok.  I know I am going to be ok.  The girls and I will be ok.  We are planted firmly in this world and we are working hard to stay firm and find content… we know that He is helping us… we know that Madeline is ok.  It is a gift to know that, to feel that and to be able to share that.

Thank you God… for the direction and taking care of us.  We are blessed… blessed in loss, blessed in gifts… always blessed and always thankful.

 

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