So today is Monday and I slept really well last night.  The house was really cold this morning and Amelia was so warm… I didn’t want to get up.  We slept in a little and then started our Monday off.

I headed to the Y to take a spinning class… I needed someone to tell me what to do today- I am pretty sure I would have let my feet stop running if I didn’t have accountability this morning.  So spin it was…

I was on the bike thinking about how tired I feel and how I just don’t have a lot of extra in me today, and I can’t even ‘fake it ’til I make it’.  Then I thought about what I was doing and I was pretty sure I figured out why I don’t love spin.  Honestly… I literally rode a bike that doesn’t go anywhere in a dark stinky room with no air flow… for one hour.  I couldn’t talk to anyone, I didn’t laugh a bunch at someone who jumped too much and had to run out and pee… I just sat on a bike and worked really hard to go.no.where.  I was going nowhere wicked FAST… I was going up fake hills, on flat grounds… I was standing, sitting, pushing up… all while sitting in the same.exact.spot and seeing the same.exact.thing and smelling the same.stinky.room.  So while I was feeling all dumb for doing the same exact thing and staying in the same exact spot (a likeness to my life)… I was listening to Christine’s words.  “Walk it out”, “Get it to where you can stand safely”, “BBBIIIGGG Hill coming…”, “Ok… 2 full turns up… 1/2 turn down”… sounded like tiny little pieces of advice.  So all the while I was going, going, pushing, peddling, huffing, speeding and working- and not moving anywhere fast… there were little bits of good advice coming at me.  Maybe they are not the advice that fixes anything, but rather just put into my brain to remember to expect to not know what is coming, prepare for life in the only way we can- with health, faith, trust and support… get strong for those ‘big hills’… and be ready when you go 2 turns forward and 1/2 turn back… be glad, in the case of living, that it was a 1/2 turn back and not 3 whole turns…

So… I left spin tired.  I was more tired and more energetic.  I knew I gave my brain a little workout and it benefitted.  I had 4 moments in that spin room that I wanted to text someone that had hurt me that I was mad, that at that second I was very mad and confused.  My phone was on the floor, I was busy going nowhere fast, and because of that I didn’t take 1/2 a turn back when I lashed out at the person.  I guess I was right where I was supposed to be.  I know in myself that I want the people who hurt me to get better… I am sure they know that hurt me.  I don’t want to feed the part of me that wants them to hurt more.  I want to feed the part of me that gets me healthier, better, stronger and more the ‘me’ I am made to be.

Now I must shower… because I have a playdate with one of my favorite, lovely and flowery Kindergarten teachers and her crazy pack of kiddos…


note to self- make sure you mix some running with your spinning so you aren’t always headed nowhere fast…



2 thoughts on “Spinning.

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