I woke up today feeling like… damn it is going to be a good day. I got in a great run with my B… mowed the lawn and am getting yard work done. I feel pretty accomplished, my bedroom is clean and the bathroom is on it’s way. I swear there is nothing like chucking chaos and kicking messy’s butt. I mean it. My head works better when my stuff is done and my space feels more peaceful.
It was a weird and hard week. I guess we could say a mini bomb went off and I need to process it. I keep wondering when I will be more disconnected from these bombs… when news or change wont blow up and hurt so much. I think it is part of process. It has also taught me that I need to sever and maintain my wall. I am safest behind the wall. I need that wall to dodge the hurt from people who shouldn’t still be able to hurt me. I need to create a wall so I am impervious to manipulation, hurt… all of it. So I made a note in my brain to get-to-chugging on that very thing… the strong wall that helps me get healthier and better.
It is hard to build walls to keep put those you welcomed and loved being in… but I will say the energy in my life is so.much.better. I don’t think I knew it was bad. When you are standing in it and it is your normal, you see it as normal and good… but there was a lot of bad energy in there. I didn’t know what kind of damage it had done… I am learning. I am holding on to the ones that have that amazing and strong energy. I am seeing much positive in this… and am glad many times a day that God cleaned house…
So today is a good day. I miss my chicklets… but am going to enjoy a quiet day and get work done. I will love reuniting with them in a couple days. I will work out and clean and go out… I am looking forward to a bonfire with a friend and some good conversation (no sad junk though… or it’ll owe 10 push ups and 10 jumping jacks)… so it is a good day. I am letting go, sometimes very consciously, of the new bomb. I ❤ good days.