Triggers. I don’t always know my triggers, some are built into this- others hit me, BAM me in a way.
I have been working in the girls’ school for a few weeks now and really love it. I am tired. I am beat… but I am impressed. I work in a developmental classroom as a substitute teacher assistant (which to me sounds so grown up). The teachers and aides impress me, the students impress me and the environment impresses me. It is a room full of really creative approaches and lots of mastering a complex schedule. I am in love with the students. This job has helped me to become more patient and loving in the classroom and as a mom.
Triggers… today I was working with a student who’s reward was this song. I got a little treat, I got to watch the video and sing the song with this student. This song is very emotional for me. Sitting in a classroom surrounded by teachers and children going about their own workday though… I had to just sit in it and take it in. I felt like I was in a good spot, sitting next to this student and enjoying the reward for hard work. The song made me feel a happy inside… a deep happy. There are some connections in working at Madeline’s school and seeing her teacher’s and people who knew her… in knowing I am only a hallway (or 3) away from my girls… that make me really feel a bond to her there. What are the odds that a reward song is one that I connect to… maybe the odds are big, but whatever, I know its part of the gift, the journey and the guidance (to heck with all you pessimists).
Triggers can hit in different ways, environments can make a trigger easier or harder… triggers hit differently than they used to. I welcome them… they bring me back to a better place and remind me of how far I have come. Triggers help me access memories and feelings.
These words get to me… in a good way. Madeline is safe, okay and home… she’s just somewhere over the rainbow…
“Someday you’ll wish upon a star, wake up where the clouds are far behind me… where trouble melts like lemon drops, high above the chimney top that’s where you’ll find me… “