A long time ago it was a nursery… it was the place that all of my Musto Chicks began their journey. It was the room where the ‘Sleep Sound in Jesus’ CD played over and over… where I read to and dressed and changed and rocked my girls. It was a peaceful little room created for my girls, before I ever knew that I would get three girls. I remember the nesting and the prepping… ordering sage green toile and shutting the door while Matthew assembled the furniture (I hate assembling…)… I remember sitting in the rocker pregnant wondering what it would be like when we brought someone home we were responsible for. I could never have even imagined what that would be like.
… and so it began in that little back bedroom, where my girls all started their journey from fresh to baby to toddler and then kindergarten. The nursery officially changed roles the week that Madeline was diagnosed with DIPG. Madeline wanted to go to the cottage that we would rent in the summer. It was a tiny little cottage with a tiny bedroom the girls shared. She loved that it was a little bit grown up and it had a TV. So in the day after Madeline was diagnosed our Mountain Movers took apart her crib and put it in the garage (it is now my nephew Reaner’s so my girls bite marks will be a part of his growing too…). They packed up the nursery and put in a bed and new curtains and a TV… it became Madeline’s bedroom for one night.
My girls slept together for a long time, don’t tell their Pediatrician Lucy was out of her crib so early, but my girls slept on a double bed every.single.night. I don’t know how they did it, it was a hot mess of tangle little ones… with stuffed animals and blankets next to them. It might have been a favorite part of my day to walk in before I went to bed and see my pile of Musto Chicks peaceful, fed, sleeping and quiet (don’t judge me, you all know the feeling…). There were a few times during Madeline’s sickness, before she was diagnosed, that she chose to sleep in the nursery in the reading nook corner propped up and with no sisters. It was a rare and strange request, that I understand now.
So… the nursery graduated to Madeline’s own bedroom and she slept in it one time. She woke up with Matthew on the floor and told him that she was glad that the girls couldn’t mess up her bed when she made it… she enjoyed her one night.
After Madeline died the girls didn’t really want to sleep together. I didn’t press it. Lucy took over Madeline’s room (the nursery) and Amelia kept the bright bedroom. I didn’t make too many changed over the past few years. Amelia got a vanity for her things around Christmas so I got her mirrors and hung things that were more mature. Lucy’s room (aka Madeline’s room and the nursery) remained pretty simple and unchanged. I felt she needed a change… that she needed something that was hers. That let her have some super heroes and alligators, blue bedding and less young and fancy. I wanted to Lucy to get a room that was more her… a bit tomboy, funny, animal lover and clutter collector.
So last week I took that on as my mission, to paint, rearrange and prep Lucy’s room fit for her. She loves it. She got to see it this morning and gets to sleep in there tonight. It feels more organized and more open. It definitely feels more ‘Lucy’.
So, like I always say, life keeps moving. We keep living, breathing, changing, building, hurting, healing and growing… or kids do the same. I no longer have a nursery (a play pen, jumpy, bouncy seat or childproof things so be warned)… I am that lady that has older kids. What a weird stage to be in. I remember I could.not.wait to be here… I was jealous of those moms that could sit and drink coffee and watch their kiddos play. I would chase and run and catch and push them on the swing. I would be pooped out and sun tan and eat a bag of goldfish at the park. I am now that mom… who can sit and chat and tell my kids “bubba, little deal or big deal???”… the funny part is I get into my car, a little suntanned and having eaten goldfish and snacks… and actually getting to drink my coffee with no sand it it at a hot temperature and I am still pooped. It is a dilemma I do not understand. I don’t know how I can be as tired watching my kids play and catching up with a friend that playing… but I will think about it next conversation in the park. So now I am here, in this very spot, with a little bit older kids… terrified for the next stages- periods, friend drama, broken hearts, cell phones… I am terrified. Like I always say though… life keeps moving… I am going to get there and we will hopefully get through it and move and live and breathe and learn… that is what we do.
So from now on there is no evidence of babies at this Musto house. There are just lovely and crazy and kind and cranky and growing Musto Chicks. They keep getting taller and bigger and more mature- even though I threatened them to “STOP GROWING.” They just keep living one more day and growing another shoe size. Crazy how life works, even more crazy to me that we all KNOW how life works yet it shocks us when it follows the rules and keeps moving.
So Erin, welcome to the next stage, a step away from life before and walls that Madeline lived in and touched… a step closer to the next things… a stage closer to calorie free birthday cake in heaven…