While on vacation visiting lots of New York Lakes… I really loved watching the dragonflies on the water. I loved all of the different colors and sizes. They were so fast and had such an amazing way of travelling. They would rush past or just stop and sit on a little leaf. I don’t know what it is about them, but I could sit and watch them all day… also they don’t bite or bug me so I am sure that helps.
I can see a picture of Madeline, more of a moment in history… her with her little piggies when she was 2 and we were camping-ish with my family. She had on her little Gap floral spring jacket and her face was still little toddler face. A dragonfly landed on Matthew and he passed it over to Madeline. I can still see her little smile and uncertainty of the bug on her hand. She was excited and nervous.
Fast forward to today, well Wednesday actually, after thinking and thinking about a tattoo and dragonflies I decided to be spontaneous (terrible idea if you really want a tattoo most places were full of people who actually plan and make appointments). I pre-thought it out and drew a sharpie version to see if I loved it. I guess that is preparation in my way… after a day of looking at it and liking it- it was time to get it. Comically, even in my unplannedness when I get an idea in my head it must be done ASAP… before my brain finds a new path and I don’t have time for it. Have I mentioned lately that my eyebrows are like big hair caterpillars, my hair is SOOOOO long I don’t know what to do with it and it has not been colored in FOREVER. My feet need a good scraping and sanding… and I could probably use a massage and a maid. However, this busy like doesn’t warrant much time for all of the above… some people have time and 5000$ for hair extensions… but not this chick. I need to carve some time out, but for this week that bit of crazy and free and spontaneous Erin got her little symbol, her mark.
Dragonflies are not only an amazing, beautiful and talented bug but they also have a very tangible meaning to me (and many others). Dragonflies represent change and transformation. They represent getting past self-created illusions and living right in the moment. They are beautiful and iridescent as they fly across the water… they maneuver and shift and adjust. I have felt very connected to the symbolism in this amazing little bug.
I felt lately that a visual reminder of the transformation these past 2 years would be a good way to remind myself who I am now and how I am so different than then. I need a trigger to not jump back into Old Erin and get smaller and less me. I need a tangible image to touch and see when I am handling something that is big and difficult and I don’t feel strong enough to do. I need this to remind me that I am strong and solid and present. I am confident and honest and kind. I am more aware of me… of my gifts and my hard stuff. I am more aware of what in me let people treat me like they did and I am coming closer to the me that is crazy strong and brilliant with responses and boundaries.
So I have my visual and I love it. I loved the night I got it… full of adventure with my very amazing friend. I love that many can love me for me, the unplanned and slightly unorganized and spontaneous me. I am thankful for the ones who enjoy the adventures with me… I also love that my girls love this tattoo. I told them it was a special reminder for me to see and that they are in it. My 3 little polka dots… that always grace my heart and skin. I told them this is a way for me to see the mommy and sister and daughter and friend that I want to be, the me that I am building. This is a way for me to remind myself of the lessons and adventures of recent years. I love that they love it. Someday I hope they find something that guides them and they love… that they follow their own heart and desires and make choices the love. I don’t know if they will want tattoos, but I hope they always love the story behind others tattoos…