Thankful for the ones that help me… help me to be me, to get to better me, to share Madeline and to build me. Life moves and gets more complicated as it moves. I feel like the easy days are gone and the complicated ones just build. Those easy days of homework and projects, granted at that moment they were challenging days. Then working… getting up and working through the day then making dinner with no other cares. Those days before children… that were easy but we thought were rough.
Then came kiddos… and life got harder and better and more breakable. I started putting things that I might need to the side to accommodate the girls and life. I didn’t read as much or take classes. I didn’t have a job anymore so I didn’t grow in that way. I used to feel very embarrassed for not growing, I felt very little next to people with jobs and grown up things to do. I was mad at myself for being insecure with my role, but also for not taking initiative. I was reminded by close people that while chasing my 3 little ones my vocabulary had become that of a 4 year old. I look back now and I know that I needed to do the job at hand, and raising 3 very young girls is enough. I couldn’t commit to tasks or classes, they didn’t fit then.
Life has moved… and I have grown. I have learned more in the past 3 ½ years than I could have in every.single.class I ever took. I have become President of a Foundation (still hard to believe) and I think I might be good at everything but forms and accountingish. I have started blogging, though I have always loved to write it never took this form until after Madeline was gone. Writing has become not only a way to share and release my emotions and thoughts, but a way to connect and grow. I never knew what a blog was. I am a notebook writer. I hated technology advancements.
I still hate technology advancements. I probably always will, because it means I must change something. Some change has rocked, remember when we got phones with keyboards to text??? That changed my life… in a good/bad way. I also love my vacuum cleaner with a chamber you can dump, I find it terrible and amazing how much stuff is on the floor in only a couple (let’s be honest few) days. I also love having a computer on my lap, as I type. I thought, way back when, how could we not need film or wires or phones in a house? I can.not.imagine a life without those things. Life is sooooo… different now.
So… on to today. My website is FINALLY back up. I believe, if I understand correctly, the server knocked it off or was down because of a virus on the site… blah blah blah- I think the server was down. SO… when I realized this… I called my Wonder Woman and her Mr. Incredible, they helped me transfer the site and set it up all under me. They helped with all the terms I don’t understand, and did the tasks that I dread. All of this in their own busy lives…
What did I learn from this? I miss writing and sharing and posting and letting go of things. I miss my Polka Dot Tree Climbers… I am glad to be back up. I need to learn how to manage the things that my brain directs to the blah blah blah… and draws the ignorant card just to not learn. That’s right I let myself be ignorant of technology and web and internet. I treat it like electricity, a concept that my brain can’t understand. I just love to know that I turn on a switch and it works… but in my life that can be okay. I pay for that scenario. In the case of my very ow blog and words… it is my job to find a way for my brain to understand it. It is part of the job, you know?
I got a Jawbone (kind of a Fit Bit) for Christmas. I was all scared that it was complicated to use and never fully set it up until about 3 weeks ago. I finally plugged it in and downloaded an App. BAM. I have a way to measure so many things and it is helping me in a goal. I was fearing an easy thing. It was a reminder, that many things that will help me and build me are not as hard as they look, if I take the time to learn about them.
I guess today is my ‘Welcome Back’ for me and I hope you all missed me… I love writing and have relaly felt the turmoil of not doing so. I am so honored and glad for my help to fix this problem and get my web stuff all lined up. I just want to remind myself the importance of not being scared or fearing hard in order to know what I need. I want to remind myself to not allow myself to be ignorant to important lessons and knowledge. I want to grow and build a me that I will be proud of, that will share and connect on a big scale.