Back to the normal…

Such a strange combination of weeks I have had, maybe you have too. I think it has been everything… the weather dove right into winter, then spring popped up for a couple and now back to the BRR. Life felt a little flipity and floppy these past couple weeks, a product of coming down from the holidays and vacation and plans and fun. It is hard to start in the cold after the New Year… it is like coming down from something special and big and starting at low and boring. I think I had a moment of self awareness that Monday back to normal… realizing that I have a hard time regulating back to slower and less planned. I thought maybe this is that time that Laurel was telling me about, that time I am supposed to get all still and be more aware and feel more. I would have to say Monday was a failure for that, it was a YUCKY day, but it didn’t involve delving into the big hole I need to get in and out of more often. It was a wicked cold and grey day, the first day of eating better, working out more and not drinking (all of the stuff we overdue or forget about during the holiday season). I missed calories and carbs I sat sadly with my popcorn and seltzer and didn’t want to talk or write or anything. I was bummed at how much weight I gained and how I missed French fries (I don’t know how I gained this extra weight…). I think it was a lil bit of carb detox, you know that cleanse your body goes through when you start feeding it roasted veggies and salad and hard boiled eggs? On top of that it was a bit of a cruddy week in my boundaries, I was reminded once again how strong I need to keep my walls and how quickly a little gate can be opened and negative can sneak in… lies sneak in and look a lot like truth. I worked on my gate’s and replaced the loose stones in my wall and am chuggin’ along safer and smarter now. So all of that in a week… not just any week but the cold and gray one that started our New Year.

Thankfully we are all the way in the second week of January and there is so much to look forward to. I am zipping out of Albany for a couple weekends on trips down south. I can’t wait, though these are the times I wish I lived somewhere I could not look all pasty and pale… did you know there are places people live that don’t hurt your skin to walk to your car? Did you know in those places they also don’t have to warm up their cars- or clean off snow?!?!!? I thought I was a northerner… but I think in my old age I am getting colder. I am glad to have some warm and sunny days to look forward to. I am glad I feel stronger this week, I like when I feel stronger.

I sat many times last week to write, I have a lot to tell you all… but I felt all ‘if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything at all’. I felt like my keyboard didn’t have the medicine last week, but today is Monday and it is a fresh week… the keyboard is working right now. I am feeling more connected and more grounded with every key that my fingers press. I am glad it is today and not last week…

It is funny how time and weather and perspective and food and sleep can influence how a week can go, how a day can go. I might wake drained and not want to get out of bed, or jump up and start the day… or get bored with food and be annoyed… it is all a reminder to change places, views or meals and try to perk up… and when in doubt and it is cold and dark and gray burrow and watch a good show. I can’t wait to come home and eat my popcorn with seltzer and tea and watch Nurse Jackie later… one week and a new perspective. One week in and things are looking up and up and better and brighter… I can only imagine the brighter perspective after some southern exposure…


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