I go back.

I am sitting at my table making my million phone calls and emails (well not a million only 100ish)… and drinking my coffee. The girls are in the living room in their jammies watching “The Wonder Years”. I have my Pandora going… and just keep working. I love checking things off my to-do list… and today it is long. I have sadly written away most of my dollars to Verizon and Time Warner and to the one’s who keep my lights on… and I am chugging. I have a few seltzers, ½ my Nalgene full of water and 3 coffees. My leg is bopping and I am hoping to be done in time to head to Macy’s and buy a dress for our Anniversary party (the one I ordered isn’t purple at all it is RED)… and boom a song pops on and I go back.

Pandora Bob Segar is todays flow… and it is working. Sitting in my dining room the song Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac pops on. I am sitting in a neon, with crates of alphabetized cds at my feet. I am most likely on my way to an adventure with Shannon in her little neon. I can feel the car and the way those things turn on a dime (jeeps and grown up cars are not like those babies). I am sitting there talking about the things we talked about. I remember Shannon was totally going to name her daughter Rhiannon and I am sure had plans for a Paul or John or maybe a Ringo with her Rhiannon. I laugh because all these years later her kiddos have lovely family names. I remembered some of our adventures… I hoped my girls have similar ones at those ages. Cottage nights, riding the handicap buggies in the middle of the night at the grocery store… drive in’s, slumber parties, water balloons, movie nights… I felt back to that time and felt a little like that Erin while that song played on. It’s fun to go back to that time. I laughed at what we did for fun… while so many were out being crazy we were having our own kind of fun. I loved our kind of pranks and thinking of the funny words we used to say. We were our own kind of fun back then…

The next song was a good old CCR one and I was brought back to my childhood at our family cottage. I could remember the smell and the stairs, even the dishes in the cupboard. I remember roasting marshmallows in the fireplace and the burns in the old rug in front of the fireplace. I love when a song or thought brings me back to those times. It makes me happy.

I look back at those times and the simplicity in them- how powerful that simplicity is in my memory. I don’t remember all the big stuff, the expensive stuff. I remember the best of it those moments in life… I remember the few dinners out we had back then… Sunny Banks in Cape Vincent. Back to school dinner with our family was our one night out a year. I remember on our First Communion’s after pictures we would head to Ponderosa for a breakfast buffet for a family celebration. I remember our family vacation to Washington DC and my Uncle Joe’s house… I remember the camper we rented and the big pig (HUGE) pig we visited down the road, I remember my uncle’s macaroni and cheese. I remember getting one souvineer in DC and seeing the Air and Space museum, the Old Post Office and the Declaration of Independence. I remember feeling like the adults read EVERYTHING and took forever… but now I know kid time is pretty low in patience. It’s strange sometimes to think how BIG everything has gotten.

I think of my girls and the amount of dinner’s out they have, the fun trips they get… I think of the expectations of First Communions and proms… the hustle and bustle and planning in BIG vacations and I feel like we lost something. We lost the simplicity. We lost the creativity. I remember the night Matt and I and our 3 girls went to dinner for our own little Christmas in 2014. We sat there and enjoyed the dinner and each other, there was no stress and the girls just lit up. While sitting there Madeline looked up at me and said “BEST DAY EVER”. I poked Matt and said Madeline tell daddy. That moment I remembered that it isn’t the big stuff… it isn’t those crazy over planned trips with matching outfits and overloaded itineraries… it was the small stuff that was the BEST. I look back at my childhood and the simplicity and creativity of it all and I love it. I look back at so many simple moments as my Best Day Ever’s…

This morning I was just brought back to a lot of those reminders just like when Madeline said those 3 words- and reminded it is the little things. What a gift that reminder from Madeline was only a month before our world broke. She reminded me that night to focus on the little things… and I am grateful for all my amazing and my hard and little and big… I am so grateful for her. I am so grateful for the simple and amazing and creative… and I am going to get back to simple life…


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