Be a mom, Share a mom… Anyway

Today was definitely a Monday, there was no mistaking it. Finally my moment came t0 on the couch and watch Fuller House… I missed my couch. I thought a lot today about yesterday, while I ran around on my 2 dentist stops, best day ever shopping and lunch with a friend. I thought about my Mother’s Day with my girls and how I felt throughout the day. We had a pretty good day, it even ended well. It felt like a nice Sunday with my girls and my Mr. Rick. I woke up tired and so not ready for it to be Monday, but that is pretty much the normal for starting a week. I definitely woke up hoping to get a gym visit in and eat clean, but that didn’t happen today. So onto some thoughts…

My girls made my Mother’s Day special all day. They started with the help of Mr. Rick coming over early and help them cook. They all brought me breakfast in bed and my lovely framed butterfly gift. We then parked it on the couch since it was morning and raining. We rewatched the new Cinderella, to educate Mr. Rick about princesses and how they definitely compare with the Disney Cars and Pixar movies. Have courage and be kind, boom life lesson. The sun started shining and we got ourselves ready to head to Indian Ladder Farms for baby animal days. Holding some week old baby animals has always been a highlight in our spring. We wandered then headed out for an adventure lunch, which accidentally turned into a stupid expensive brunch (no one serves regular food anymore on Mother’s Day). We stopped at Pine Bush Discovery Center for a bit and explored, just like we used to. I realized then that the day was like an old school Musto Chick adventure, minus Madeline and picnic lunch. We had brought Mr. Rick along for a day in the life of, from way back when…

We came home and the girls went out to play, I felt my heavy then. It is that weight that comes with missing someone so special. I sat and felt the blah and ick that goes along with thinking about the missing lady in the pictures. I can’t always pinpoint feelings, what triggers them, when they will come and how long they will last. I felt my heavy and missing for a few hours… my girls went to their grandparents for a Mother’s Day and Birthday celebration. We binge watched Netflix and enjoyed a good Malbec. It was a good lift to the heavy. The night ended with my chickens and some good TV.

I thought a lot about the amazing value of Facebook on days like Mother’s day. I loved seeing pictures of friends and family with their moms, pictures of moms when they were much younger and pictures of lovely mommas with their kiddos on Mother’s Day. It kept my eyes and brain busy for many moments yesterday, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed seeing Madeline’s friends with their mommas. I enjoyed people sharing stories about the moms they missed. I felt excitement for some ladies who will be mommas very soon. I felt my own pile but I loved looking at everyone else’s and living mine.

I don’t compare my life and gifts and hardships to others. I love the hand I have been dealt, it hurts and it glows… it’s mine and mine alone. I thought about the posts to be courteous on Facebook about those who lost their mommas, babies or other special people… Be careful what you post because it might hurt them… this idea bugs me.

Mother’s Day is a celebration. It is a day to honor moms (and special women in people’s lives). It is a day to honor a person who had a HUGE impact on your life, heart and soul. It is a day to remind her how freakin’ glad you are that she showed up and loved you anyway. Facebook opens a new way to see so much and so many thoughts and posts and pictures it is new to this generation. I look at these days and love seeing people share their moments and memories, I love seeing Madeline’s friends grow and love their mommas. Madeline isn’t here, but I am glad to see her friends grow into lovely responsible and compassionate daughters. I don’t want to ask people to feel bad that their life is good on that very day… I don’t want them to be careful not to share and hurt me. I am good. I have my own people and piles and amazing and hard. You have yours. We all have hard. We all have amazing. Share it all. I never want a person to tell me they didn’t share something because they feared it would remind me of Madeline or hurt me. I am good. I know that the world moves, it just does. I also know that we all have our hard. This year I had a friend whose momma got a lung transplant and gets to REALLY enjoy life with her grandbabies- SHARE LOVELY. I see friends I know have struggled to have a baby keep struggling, or maybe be blessed with a pregnancy that stays. I have an amazing friend who miscarried last week, right next to one who was waiting to deliver her Weston. Life is like that, full of amazing right next to hard shit. We can’t choose what we see in a public forum, we just honor what we have. It is hard sometimes to see and feel the missing of my lovely, but it never makes me want any other person’s life. We are made for our own lives, hard and heavy, light and bright. I don’t want yours and you are not made for mine.

I guess my big thought was I had a good day. I didn’t compare mine to yours, any of you. I just had mine. Mine is lacking a Madeline, yours might be full and abundant. You may have lost your mom this year, you may miss her like crazy- share her story and relish in others who are loving and celebrating their moms. It is the way it should be… loving and celebrating moms. I know, I know we should do it all the freakin’ time, like we should pray 10 times a day… but we are human and a day to remind us to REALLY honor our mom’s is a good thing. I tell myself often, love what you got, love it anyway. I never doubt that God made me for this life and this journey for me. I am missing but I am loved and blessed and almost whole. We are all carrying something heavy, let’s not make others feel shame for their bit of light. I know on a day made for mother’s some lost their mother, some long to be a mother… trust the Big Guy… He has a plan. I miss one I mother, it isn’t my job anymore. I am still here anyway… I will celebrate the mommas in this life because…

Trust His plan anyway… we all have our mountains, drowning moments, missing and heavy burdens to carry… let’s celebrate our own and honoring others…

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