Sister’s Club

It all started with summer reading… I am bound and determined to keep the girls reading and writing this summer. Part of this is selfish, I love going back through the journal of what we did and see the little drawings. I wonder if Lucy will start spelling better, but then I really hope she doesn’t. I love, love, love the mixed up words. Most days the girls get their books out and read for about half an hour.

The other day Amelia got an idea in her head to turn the little front nook into their reading area. We were of course out and about when she got the idea, and it filled her afternoon wanting to go home and decorate it. She even pulled the vacuum out and cleaned the little room… it was impressive. She fished around for cute containers to claim, pulled their bean bags in and loaded up the books and journals. It was a pretty smart move, and has since made this reading goal much more fun and easier.


Yesterday the girls were in the little nook, with its nice glass door, and they were playing with Legos and laughing. I knew they were up to something because I could hear them using my tape and I was missing mini post it notes. I enjoyed the quiet that the missing post it’s and tape were gifting me. The girls came out with 2 frames labeled “The Sister Club”. They scheduled the week out for them and their space. It made me smile.

I remember when I was young, all of the clubs we created back in the day. I remember working up rule books and creating radio shows, selling painted rocks and racking up the adventures. We would take up the back left corner of our garage and set up desks for the ‘work’ we would do, we would collect things and just hang all day. The girl’s club made me remember this. It made me a bit nostalgic.

On top of the bit of nostalgia back to when I was young and creative and naïve, it made my heart hurt. That little nook, the “Sister’s Club” is small, it is too small. There is a bunch of missing in that nook, a missing bean bag, missing 5th grade books, a missing journal full of Madeline’s adventures. It sucks. A club missing 1/3 of my set of sisters. Seeing the words written and knowing what is missing, hurts. I don’t know how to explain the hurt, the pain. It isn’t like a cut or a kidney stone, it isn’t like the pain of finding out your spouse wasn’t honest… it isn’t like delivering a baby. It is more intense and deeper. There is no medicine, no fix. You can try to drug it, drink it, avoid it, forget about it… but it is there and important. The pain is right there in these moments. I don’t even hate that it is, pain reminds me of the missing in a way that normal life can not. “The Sister’s Club” evokes that pain as many other things have, you know the way Joy is laced with pain. I see the happy of my girls and it is laced with missing and lacking a Musto Chick. I smile and cry… right at the same time. I don’t know how else it could be, this journey.

I know that Amelia and Lucy include Madeline in their adventures, all of them. I know she is because it is in the journals and the stories and the games, conversations and wonders. We talk about her all.of.the.time. We talk about Madeline at fireworks and things she misses and we wish she were here for. We wonder what her heaven looks like, and we feel her so often. I know she is in that sister’s club for Monday night sleep overs and Wednesday nights with their dad. I know she sits on my shoulder and plays with her sisters. I know she is right here, I just freakin’ miss her, I miss her so much it hurts.

‘The Sister’s Club’ is a nook full of giggles, play and nail polishing. There have been very few disagreements in that lil’ nook… maybe this sister club is just what we Musto Chicks needed… maybe that sister is guiding all the details and energy…


I miss you Nini. You are the best part of me, of so many.


2 thoughts on “Sister’s Club

  1. I love to read your essays. You are a gifted writer and insightful mother. God bless you and your chicks!


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