Feeling the snow…

Today is one for the memory jogging. This time of year is full of traditions and memories, I see it around me, I feel it and my feed on Facebook shows me exactly where I was on this day… 5 years ago, 6 years ago and maybe even 7. It is a gift to get to see those moments in time, it makes me smile to read some of those old posts. I worked out all.the.time, utilized the YMCA daycare every like clockwork and had a pretty normal schedule. I laugh because back then I looked forward to the times that my kids didn’t need preschool pickup, but instead I got to watch them in dance class or playing baseball. I used to look ahead and look forward to the next part of this parenting gig. Time changes and life is forever different in just 5 years…

Today it snowed. Today was a little like those old days, I got to the YMCA and did a nice workout. I ran some errands and got home for lunch. I wanted to stop and grab lunch but I went home and warmed up soup instead. I sat down, all alone, at the dining room table and I watched it snow outside. It felt like a day 5 or 6 years ago… quiet at my lunch time while the girls napped the afternoons away. I just sat there for a while, knowing that I had Halloween costumes to finish and bills to pay. I smiled and then moved on. I love those bits of nostalgia.

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I saw the picture from 5 years ago on my Timehop feed, it was of Amelia and Lucy sitting watching out the window at the first bit of snow that year. We were waiting for Madeline’s bus and snuggled. I am sure the house smelled like it does today, cinnamon and apple. I had probably already gotten dinner in the over and I believe our costumes were done. I had completed the cowgirl, cupcake and horse, and we were going to hanker down and watch TV together. I remember the excitement when we got snow… from my girls and when I was little. It was a big deal, like the first sunny warm day in spring. It was the opener of snow mountains and sledding and making snow houses. Today I saw that excitement again, in my Lucy. She just could not wait to pick up the snow and make snow balls. She and Amelia are outside playing now, the difference between now and 5 years ago is that I can sit all warm and snuggled on my fluffy couch while they play. It just makes me smile to see that excitement…

Life is so different now. Sitting at the table in the quiet… it was real alone quiet, not the kind I used to have where at any moment the mailman could ring the doorbell and a Musto Chick would awaken. I sat by myself, thinking about how it felt like back then but it so wasn’t… There are only 2 jackets to replace this year. It’s been almost 5 years since I have had to tuck 3 girls into bed and watch my shows. It has been 5 years since I got to make the coolest costumes for 3 people. The girls I care for now are independent and can do so much without me, gone are the years of having to get bundled up and go outside with them. I don’t have to parent them like I used to… I get real just me alone time. Man I wanted that back then… and I love that time right now. I wonder if I knew I would love it as much as I do?…

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Life isn’t what it was, but it is what it is… it is missing and it is full, all those mixes of feelings and change. I love my todays, I love my yesterdays and I honestly look forward to the tomorrows. God has been kind to me, gifting memories and support and love and my girls… my sir and my quiet days. The girls came in from the snow to hot cocoa some pumpkin muffins from the oven (I felt nostalgic enough to bake today…). Lucy asked if Madeline liked snow, if I remember going outside with them to play in the snow. She asked me if I remember sitting together and watching Ellen… and I know that Madeline bugged her baby sister to let me know today was from her. Thank you darling. Thank you for being the most amazing person to miss, I am grateful for all the time we had to adventure together…

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