If fluffy beds and cable TV are wrong, then I don’t want to be right.
Seriously, though I am in Rochester with Sir for a Hockey Tournament for his sons. I am parked on a comfy and fluffy Hilton bed, watching cable TV and catching up on Househunters… and it feels great.
I have no place to be, I am grateful. It is so nice to have a day or two to be away from it all and just be comfy. I even enjoy bundling up and watching a bunch of kids skate and pass and work together. After all the craziness in this whole world and in my own little patch of world a bit of peace and quiet, mixed with people and adrenaline is just what the doctor ordered.
I don’t know what it is about these big fluffy white beds at hotels that make me feel joy. I steal all the pillows and burrow in deep and catch up with Joanna and Chip. It is a simple little joy, the kind that life is full of. It is the kind of joy you feel when you curl up with your child and smell their hair and just feel safe and loved. The little treat today is my girls are busy enjoying time with their dad, while I get a nice simple fluffy bed in a different town.
Days like today remind me of all the amazing, the simple amazing in this time we have here. I opened my phone this morning, on the ride to Rochester, and my Facebook memories reminded me of just that. The summer before Madeline died we had this great day together. My sisters and I along with all the kiddos, when to Mazeworld and The Smallest Aquarium un in Alex Bay. My sister Cortney had just gotten a digital camera from her Mother in Law. She took many shots, but I never really thought about them again until she posted them years later. It was a gift to see those shots, to see Madeline in moments that I hadn’t seen in many years. To see pictures or videos that I have never seen is like she is hugging me. Today those pictures popped up and reminded me of what I am missing, but more importantly what we have. She is mine, mine forever.
I get to live and relax and grow and break and build and smile and cry right with her… she is the best part of me. I see the pain, I carry it… but I know her joy. She is my simple joy… she is my favorite fluffy white bed and most amazing Pinot Grigio, she is my most happy moments- she is my simple joy. When I feel simple joy, wherever I am, it is her. I snuggle on this fluffy white bed and I feel her, my pain is a part of our joy.
Thank you darling for the hug and for sharing my silly and simple fluffy white bed joy… I miss you always, every moment. I love the missing, the pain and the joy.