This Easter season really snuck up on me. I really didn’t keep track of weeks or Fridays… and weekends just flew by. It was a pretty nutty 40 plus days. I don’t think I purposefully avoided it, but I definitely put the importance and holiness of this season on a back burner. I love the preparation, including avoiding meats on Friday. I like trying to abstain from something very normal, and I totally get other people with different ideas and feelings. I mark those weeks of Fridays, and every time I think of the fact that I am abstaining I really do think about Jesus and all he gave up for me. I watched as people went to mass last night… and wished I had planned to bring the girls to the vigil. It is a beautiful service, with low lights and candles… it is an emotional mass. They were too young to enjoy before and this year I chalk it up to poor planning.
Mass this morning was lovely, sunny and bright. I loved seeing the children of people I grew up with, and the priest invited kids up on the altar. I looked up there and in a group of 10 kids, mine included, was a child waiting on a best day ever and a set of red headed twins I have watched grow on Facebook. The circle…
Life is a big circle- connections everywhere. He is in the connections. I waited for a profound homily or moment of connection to some of the words- but I kept focusing on the community and the connections in that sacred space. I thought about how grateful I am for all of it; grateful for the connections, communities, blessings, mercy and grace. I am grateful for this temporary home.
Easter is about the Resurrection, about Jesus giving his life for us and rising from the dead to join His Father in heaven, so that we too can join Him in heaven. Someday I get to join Him in that paradise, Madeline already did. If Jesus never gave His life on the cross my Madeline wouldn’t be in paradise- so I will be with her one day.
I wish I hadn’t missed/avoided all of the special parts of these past 40 days, but we can only be right where we are right now. I can work on tomorrow and next year. Having a year that I really missed all those bits reminded me to get back to it, and put it in the front.
I left mass today with a grateful heart. Easter, today, is about being grateful. Grateful for the simplicity and the constant love, for the support when times are tough and the grace to get by, for the roof and food and family. I am grateful for my 3 girls, and for every day they were gifted to me. I remind myself that I was never promised 100 or 1000 or 5000 days with my girls, but I am grateful for every day I have. I am grateful that when those days are done and I am no longer the caretaker to my girls that they are in good hands- He will have them. I can’t imagine not knowing she was okay even though she isn’t with me. Thank you Jesus…
So today as most enjoyed the sunshine and the family and too much dessert I hope you let your brain and heart feel gratitude for the gifts in your life, for the strength to get by, the grace to move on, the support when life is unbearable… I hope you felt gratitude for the gift of a safe place to land and the most amazing paradise to call home. I felt it.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.