All that she misses…

Life is fast.  One day you are nursing your baby and encouraging them to roll or walk; only a few blinks later they are graduating preschool and starting Kindergarten.  Time is funny, when we live it can feel so freaking slow… but in retrospect it rushes and rolls on by.  Since Madeline died time is hard for me to grasp, I see my lovely as a 5-year-old, but I see her old friends become 11 year old’s.  Time doesn’t make sense in my brain, I don’t know if that will ever change. 

Madeline would have graduated from 5th grade today.  She would have come home all fancy from graduation and been crazy excited to be a Middle Schooler.  I know all the things she would be excited/nervous about- mastering locker opening, a new lunch room and a totally different class schedule.  I would be nervous for all the parts of Middle School that hurt and are hard.  I would be praying she was a good friend and took care of others.  I would be preparing for the hurt that will come with all that High School and Middle School…

The world keeps spinning… and today Madeline’s friends moved onward and upward.  She will forever be only a Bradt Elementary kiddo.  That is her journey…

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Today my Lucy exited Bradt Elementary for the last time as a student there… she graduated to 3rd grade.  I have had a child at Bradt for almost 6 years.  It is our home.  I left with her and felt a sadness for her next year… a bit of sad that she is growing and God just keeps giving her one more day but also that she keeps outgrowing all that Madeline touched.  I can’t believe time has moved this far from her… but alas it always does.

I decided, if Madeline and my girls weren’t at Bradt, then I best just join the family.  I accepted a position at Bradt within their Special Ed department.  I will continue to wander and run in those hallways for the time being.  I know how much she loved that school, with the bright colors and the amazing teaching team.  I hope she runs and wanders with me…

To top our last day of school off Lucy had a Championship game tonight.  We had a great pep talk “Lucy enjoy the game, do your best”… “Okay”… “I love you if you win or lose, but Bubba it will be fun to win tonight”.  So… Team Maddie’s Mark won.  I felt it, like I won.  Imagine watching your daughter do what she loves, on her sister’s field… in purple shirts, on the team her sister’s legacy sponsors.  Lucy doesn’t have to wonder if her sister, Madeline, worked her magic.  Madeline was propped on my shoulder, like Lucy always tells me, watching and cheering.  Today was a Best DAY Ever…

Life moves fast…

It always has and always will. 

I laughed tonight when some pictures from 2010 popped onto my feed, you know that Time Hop gift.  I was working to upload pictures of Lucy and her team… and look what popped into my feed.

Madeline played soccer for a few seasons.  As many other kids ran and chased the ball Madeline somehow always seemed to care about how her socks were bugging her or be chatting with a friend.  I watched her then and knew she was never made to be a sports star, in a way I was right way back then.  God had much bigger plans than putting too much competitiveness or soccer feet on her.  Such a different Musto Chick than her sisters. 

Eleven years ago today I was hanging out at St. Peter’s waiting to meet my Madeline.  Today I started summer vacation with my girls, Amelia will enter 5th grade in the fall… only one more step until Middle School.  For today we enjoy, we celebrate and we wake up late and watch Phineas and Ferb.  I know the drill time will keep moving, just as it always does.  I will blink and be getting semiformal dresses and talking about permits and….

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