Live life better…

“In this life we have choices, so many choices. We can choose to smile when we wake up, we can choose to laugh when our heart hurts and we can choose to stay mad and hard when someone hurts us. We choose.” – Erin Musto

It feels like so long ago and only yesterday that I had the opportunity to write a piece for, that began with these words. It was years and seasons ago-  my life is so different now, but every one of those words I still know and believe. All of those words are still the core of my soul, my words I live by. I fail sometimes, but don’t we all?

Lately this quote resonates very deeply in me. I see this world full of so much chaos, anger, resentment, guilt and shame. I see families broken by choices, and often pride. I see hearts not willing to forgive, not ready to let go. I see blame thrown everywhere but within…

I know that I am not perfect, no one is. I try, I succeed… I try, I fail so I wake up and try again- the best I can. For the most part I see the light in people, I let go of the hurt and I trudge on through the hard stuff… knowing there is amazing intertwined in the hard. I choose to see light, when I am blanketed in dark. I choose to let go, even when it hurts- life is lighter with less. I choose to be positive, when other’s want to pile on the negative. Life is ridiculously difficult and lovely all together… without the dark we could never know real light, without the hurt we could never know true joy and without the bad relationships we could never know the value of the great ones.

Lately this world is so very hard, so very broken. People are so divided and angry… there have been so many tragedies, so much loss. Young children dying of cancer, drowning… family friends overdosing and losing their battle… a murder back home claimed the life of a father, a husband, a coach- a Trooper. Every one of these tragedies has now been written in the book of life…

This is the part where we get to choose. We get to choose to live this life better, live it how we should have all along. All of these people we lost on this journey are still a part of us, we carry them along. We honor them by honoring our days here on Earth. We live better…

Living better means choosing light, choosing to see positive, choosing to step up and do the jobs that this life needs. Choose to respond with positive and building words, join together to bring those souls along… think hard about how your respond and what you carry with you.

I fully believe in accountability of actions and let me tell you, the man who murdered that father, that Trooper… needs to be accountable in the way that the law deems. We however get to choose to let him go, put his negative soul away. We can choose to change this, to work to keep those Troopers, those mothers and fathers safe. We can choose to show his children light and love and care… show them the love he can’t gift them now.

In those families who lost children to cancer or drowning- we honor them. We tell the best stories about them, we carry those families FOREVER. We change what we can and we show the light that is lost in their hearts. We shine light on those families. We choose to live our days the best we can in honor of those who have no more days here.

For those who lost their loved ones to addiction- love them up. Stand in that momma’s shoes for a few minutes… give love, show light and comfort. Go forward and work to change this, share that story and work to change it for the future.

Live life better. Live it for the ones who are no longer here… choose to live and love and show light and LET GO.

I see so many families wrapped up in disagreements that break their family. I see it in my own family and I see it in so many other families. I have been the one to say hurtful things and hold on to anger. I have been the one to spout words that hurt. I have felt those words from others. It stings. It is so hard to forgive or let go. I also know that much of that is pride. Pride helps us prolong forgiveness. Pride breaks so many humans. Forgiveness builds some of the strongest parts of us…

We choose happy, light and laughter… and we choose anger, resentment, guilt and shame. We choose forgiveness. Life is hard, hurt is hard, forgiveness is hard… but we can do hard things. We can keep living, keep laughing, keep moving, keep crying, keep shining… we can choose to forgive and let go.

My daughter is gone, never to grow or sit and chat with me again, not here on this Earth. I have to fulfil this part of the journey with no Madeline to laugh with or argue with, no Madeline to see grow and become some new bit of herself. She is gone. I am here. I know what it feels like to NEVER hear your daughter’s voice again. I know what it is like to have a broken family that just doesn’t feel like it can fit together. I know what it is like to be betrayed at an ultimate level. I know what it is like to feel anger, to feel rage. I know what it is like to hurt so much I can not find a part of me that doesn’t hurt. I know what it is like to be so angry at another person that I try to break them. I know what it is like to not forgive…

I also know what it is like to forgive people who have betrayed me in the most hurtful way. I know what it is like to let go of anger for a family member and just forgive them. I know what it is like to forgive my ex-husband for breaking my world. I know what it is like to be mad at God and let it go… give it to Him. I know what it is like… it is never worth not hearing your daughter’s voice again, never worth missing your loved one forever, never EVER worth it.  Pride is not worth building the broken and missing…

But I choose to live better. I choose to forgive. I choose let go of the heavy and enjoy the light. I choose to see the love and tell the anger to go ‘eff off’. I choose. You choose too. You choose how you live, you can live better. Live better in honor of those who have no more days here. It isn’t worth it to live lower and carry the anger around. I promise. We don’t get to choose the hurdles, the challenges, the blessings, the pain or the end… but we can choose how we live better with it all.

Choose to live better… better for Joel, Jason, Parker, Andrew, Lorenz, Cheyanne… just do it.  Live better.


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