Failed Plans?

plan

The thing about life is that it never, never, never, ever goes as planned. Imagine me saying that like the start of a Disney movie… with that solid voice and a story to back it up. It never goes as planned, like neva-eva.

I remind myself and reiterate this fact many times a day, sometimes I just put it on repeat and let that take my brain over. Inevitably something will happen that royally screws up the day and guess what… the day must go on. It is just the way of the world, always has been and I imagine it always will be. Even when we like the Jetson’s our little spaceships will run out of gas, our robot maid will drop dishes, our perfect kids will fight or make a crazy mess… our husband will tick us off or our friend in the galaxy next door will not be able to show up last minute. So is life… now and forever…

I like to think God likes to keep us on our toes, keeping true to that faith part- you know believe and know without seeing. He tests us to make sure we are good, kind people… even when the world isn’t looking. I guess it is part of His plan, you know the plan that almost neva-eva lines up with ours???

I think I am good at rolling with the punches, embracing plan b (or d or g) and figuring out ways to fix a situation to be an adventure. Honestly the number of events that went my way in my life are pretty few and far between- it rained and flooded the night of my wedding, Madeline’s delivery was anything but what I expected, life was exhausting and didn’t look like I thought it would… my lovely died, my marriage fell apart… and etc.etc.etc. I could go on all night…

It has taken 30+ years to live in a way that I embrace the fact that my plans are not.at.all.the.Big.Plan. It has taken 30+ years to see the light and funny in God’s sense of humor, and embrace His knowledge of the future. I trust Him… even when it royally screws up my Friday.

These past weeks I have been SOOOOOO busy… from Madeline’s Tea and Birthday I have had 5 or 6 Best Day Ever’s, 3 or 4 events, started working fulltime at school, tried to pull a normal fun summer together for my girls and tried to enjoy the small bits of time I have to relax. In this past month my car has had a couple issues, that sound terrible but thankfully my Mechanic is like an angel with a wrench, he gets me back on track. Both times my car had issues I needed to cancel plans or appointments. I was driving down the road last week on my way to Amelia’s appointment and my car started acting funny and the engine light came on. I stayed calm, called Bob and pricelined a rental car. I dropped my car and hitched a ride to the rental and the problem was solved… I could have been mad but I reminded myself that nothing.planned.works. I told my brain- little deal. I was rewarded with an upgrade to a fancy grandma car that drove really freakin’ fast. I enjoyed the leather seats, but my Jeep is home tonight and I missed her.

I am grateful… for the nuisance of a broken down Jeep. Challenges like that remind me that in the grand scheme of life, in the BIG PLAN, it is a little deal. It can be fixed. I can make do. I remind myself to see the ‘little deal’ in most situations. Life has some really big curve balls, some ‘big deal’s’ and I need to save my energy for those. Death, divorce, separation, broken friendships… deeper hurt need more of us. I am grateful for the ‘little deals’. I have gotten through a lot of ‘big deals’ and sooooo many ‘little deals’… but they have built me to be this very me.

I am grateful for all of this story… it is my story. I do not understand so much of this, I don’t know why my lovely is gone… I don’t know why my marriage broke (well I do know some) but I trust that He does… and He is building this life beautifully full and blessed with the broken. I trust Him…

I know that Madeline is traveling this journey with me, guiding me and sometimes pushing me in the direction that will build me best. I am grateful for the man God set into my life to adventure with and experience lots of Plan B’s together… He chose well.

Thanks Big Guy… for all of it. I am grateful for the broken, the fixed, the hurt, the joy, the fun and the crappy… it is my story…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s