We are Good Timber.

Life hurts.

SO many are feeling all of that pain right now, so many that I know. I keep reminding myself – Life is hard but God is good… I don’t know why we get these heavy, hard and huge piles of pain, it is just part of it. I also know that as much pain as you can have piled on- there is joy there for you have too. I keep coming back to a poem my friend gave me, she printed it out really nice and I hang it in my bathroom closet. I see it every morning when I get ready for the day. It is everything…

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I remind myself that no one with a good life gets to 70 and describes life as easy or not littered with great loss. I remind myself that grief and loss are equal to the love… you can’t miss someone you didn’t love. I know that in the beginning after Madeline died I couldn’t imagine feeling joy or happiness- but those pop into my life often now. I know that I have felt immense pain and hurt, felt broken beyond repair… and somehow all of that pain and hurt built me differently.

I like to think of my life as a tree… like at the end of it all if I looked at my ‘rings’ that I grew each year there will be a variety… there will be years of draught and pain… even though those look like years with low growth it was HARDER to grow then. Those years look like years of little growth but those rings are the ones that build us better. I imagine those years of lots of rain and lots of sun warrant thicker rings, they are the years that allow us to grow big and build up a firm trunk for the next draught. Those ‘easy’ years are a bit of gift, a little reminder that Life is good, really hard but amazing.

You might be the one hurting really big right now… I know hurt. I know pain. I know joy. I know missing. I know anger. I know it all… I know loss and divorce. I am sorry for the pain… I want you to know that you are not alone. Your story might sound like one that no one else has lived, but you are wrong. Your story might be more than you can bear, more than you can carry- let some others come in and carry it with you. Let Him. When you feel like you can’t walk anymore- sit. When you feel like a 500 pound person is sitting on top of you… let them, then stand up and walk on. When you feel like it is all your fault… remind yourself that we are all just broken people, all of us. We do the best with what we have when we have it…

I want to remind you that you aren’t all alone… that while life is building one of your ‘draught’ layers I am here, He is here… so many are here. There will be years to come that are full of sun and rain… you are Good Timber. We are Good Timber…

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Madeline’s Headstone… Her Good Timber…
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