Dear Hate.

I hate the hate in this world. I hate it. I can’t fix IT… but I can change it. In my own little niche I can. I know my niche is small, but what if we all cover our niches? What if we send hate on a journey a little farther from our world today- we can’t get rid of it, but we could change it. We could alter the world we live in… even if it is only in our niches.

I vow, I promise, I swear I will do my best. I will raise my people to be good, kind and filled with love. I can’t banish hate- but I can build a solid wall of love. I vow, I promise, I swear I will treat those kids I come into contact with in life, in my niche, with love. I will give them love in case no one else builds that bit of them. I will give them safety and love and handfuls of love. I vow, I promise, I swear to treat ALL of the adults and families I come into contact with dignity and respect and love. Love all the way, in every.single.niche.

Today my heart hurts and my soul feels heavy. I just don’t get it, how did we get to this point? How does one person take the lives of so many others? How does one hate enough to try to hurt so many? How can one person, any person, choose to hurt another- let alone 58 or more? I can’t wrap my brain around it, but my heart and soul feel heavy, I hurt. I can feel it. Grief, grief for people I have never met. I hurt for those who saw it all, who felt it all there. I hurt for those police officers and EMTS who had to jump in and stay calm in chaos. I hurt for the babies who lost their mommas and dads… their aunts and cousins… I hurt for the parents who lost their kids and friends or spouses who had to sit today and let it sink into their life that they lost their lovely. I have felt this heavy all of today.

I managed to get through the day and not break down, but it was a struggle. It was a hard day…

I keep scouring the news to hear the stories, the ones about the saviors, the helpers. I want to hear the stories of those who left our world last night. I want to carry them along with me… to fill my niche with love in honor of those souls. I can only imagine the bravery and fear so many felt. I pray for comfort… I know that won’t help much right now.

I can’t change the reactions, the behaviors of others. I can change me… and my reaction and behaviors. I am mad, so mad. I am not going to respond to the mad- only acknowledge it and help build my niche better. I am going to remember those who died last night and the broken of their families. I am going to carry them… bring them along. I am going to watch for the stories of those who showed their brave side, who fought the hate. They cared and loved in the midst of hate.

The thing is… love rides right next to hate. In those moments of EXTREME HATE… Love always rides right there. We just need to see it, we need to feel it. Let the love impact us more than the hate… otherwise hate wins that battle. Fuck Hate. Send that battle off… maybe we need to host an H-Day… and send hate to hell.

I wish I could help every.single.one of those people impacted in some way by this attack in Vegas… but truth is it is all of us. We are all sitting dumbstruck that there seems to be no reason, no foundation for this hate. It is like a new hate in our world. Hate for no particular reason… or so it seems.

I am going to vow to build love, life, light, content, faithful, kind, easy, funny, beautiful people with life skills and tools to ride next to hate, and knock it out. I am going to do the best I can in my niche, what about you? How will you honor those, and create a different world for their kids- for our kids? How will you do better? How can we not wake up broken AGAIN to hate?

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