How old am I again???

I remember when I was growing up I would ask adults how old they were, they would sometimes have to stop and think… sometimes they were even wrong. I could not for the life of me understand how someone could forget their age, or not think their upcoming birthday was a BIG deal. I thought it was even weirder when upcoming birthdays came with anxiety and dread. Growing up birthdays were a big deal, one special day a year that was just for you.

I miss that part…

I have become one of those old people… for the first time I could not remember if I was 35 or 36. I honestly has to do the math… 1982 to 2018- but not yet my birthday. I was lucky if someone asked me in front of Amelia, she would tell me my correct age. I don’t know why my brain forgets it, I could make excuses about grief and forgetfulness. I should be honest though, I don’t really think about it anymore. I don’t get all excited about my birthday month and the day that is just for me. I don’t own that piece of me anymore… it evaporated or disappeared. I can look back now and see that the piece of me that evaporated correlates with the loss of my naive side. I guess in all of this becoming a grown up I lost my favorite part of me, the magical side.

Today is my birthday, my 36th birthday. I remember thinking that 36 must feel really old, but here I am not feeling much older than 32 or 27. I joke that I am 52 in life experiences, I mean look at my life. How many 36 years old’s have 3 girls, an angel, a divorce, non-profit… it feels like it should have taken longer to get to this place. I guess it should have…

Today started like many days off from school, snuggled on the couch watching TV with Lucy. She snuck upstairs and scared the heck out of me, I don’t think I have any more heck in me. Meme is sleeping, when she gets up they plan to make me breakfast. I got a silly wakeup call from my little nephews. I am trying to plan out our day and evening. I am going to go put some time in on my elliptical and then figure out our day.

I am thinking maybe a movie, maybe a new tattoo, definitely some Bomber’s tonight. Tomorrow I got tickets to Mid-Evil Times in New Jersey. I can’t wait to see their faces, and I can.not.wait to see the show. On Sunday we will celebrate Easter ❤… one of my favorite days of the year.

35, I mean 36, is going to be a good year. I am sure it will be 365 days of happy, sad, new, old, joy, pain, growth, change and all that comes with the trip around the sun. I am grateful, for all of it. This year I am going to make it a point every.single.morning to say the most important prayer of all- from the words of my favorite author Anne Lamott- “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

All we can ever be is grateful for the person we are and be true to who we are made to be. I am grateful for it all, for my last trip around the sun and for the next one to come… I wonder how many trips around the sun God has written into my story…

birthday 1


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