I read somewhere, in the past year, about glimmers, and I can.not.unknow.this.
Glimmers are the opposite of triggers, the opposite of things that bring you anxiety and stress. From the moment I read it, I felt it. I know this to be true, I just needed the reminder to seek them, to acknowledge them and to reflect on them. I love glimmers, even the ones that look a lot like normal moments.
This life is CHOCK FULL of triggers, of cues to feel the pain, pokes through our strength that cause us to feel sadness, anger, anxiety, fear, stress… on any given day it can feel like an uphill battle to get through the triggers. A long time ago… like a wicked long time ago, many lifetimes ago in the building of my self, I was a TA at the best elementary school ever. I worked with kiddos who needed a little extra support to regulate their triggers- and the very first skill/training I had to undergo was checking my self for my own feelings and triggers. I often rushed/sometimes ran to the space I was needed, and I would stop just before interacting and offering support and I would take a breath and check in with my self. I needed to not be a trigger to those kiddos, what a good practice that has been for me and my self out here in the rest of my world. I know very much so that I am triggered by disrespect, particular put downs and a strict timeline. It is a huge trigger for me to plan ahead, to put lots of things on a calendar. I know why I feel that fear- in 5 days EVERY thing I planned for my life and looked forward to disappeared. I live in a space of spontaneity – which is trauma response/desire to not be triggered and a skill. I know my triggers… and honestly mostly I can trudge through anything that triggers me, and mostly handle it with control and grace, but that has taken much practice.
I have been actively acknowledging and soaking in the lil glimmers, and alongside those glimmers I have seen growth. I imagine working to see the lil positives, is an effective method to tackle some of the hurdles and triggers- movement toward healing. I love that this simple post and words, struck a chord in my brain and soul- and I see growth because I see the glimmers, the anti-triggers.
I feel lighter. I feel less of the heavy emotions, or at least for long. Glimmer watching certainly makes gifting grace and forgiveness much easier. This year has been a year to acknowledge those special lil moments, reflect on the ones that hold me back and feel so heavy to carry and to remind myself- Self, you were made for something good, do good, get rid of what doesn’t serve you and your life to do good. So I do. I seek connection and lessons that are part of this path to do good. I seek to grow my faith, grow my relationship with The Big Guy. I work to be the best mom I can- trying to raise my girls to be full of grace and dignity and ready for this big, crazy, scary world. I am working to continue to love me- all the bits of me. Glimmers sure make all of those easier- and the more I see glimmers the easier it is to see more – the easier it is to let go of a trigger. What a way to be…
I don’t ever mean to discredit others hard, or difficulty getting through things. Honestly, I share because this practice has helped me heal and build my self better… I always feel that God made me loud and quirky for a purpose, that I am supposed to share, not be a gate keeper. I remember WAY BACK WHEN I had Madeline, after a very long and awful labor – all of the sudden I was a new and very young mom in a foreign land (the 518). I was sad and low, none of it felt like everyone told me it would- that it would be the best moment of my life, that I would feel this incredible connection to my new baby and I would be changed. Those moments were marred with a traumatic birth, likely post partem depression and learning to be a mom- I realized at that moment that I needed to be a truth teller mom. It was my job to make sure another momma didn’t feel like a failure momming in the hard moments. Through the years that is what I work to do, share with hope that another doesn’t feel alone or trapped- or triggered. I share today in hopes that maybe you needed to hear what a glimmer is, and maybe you can practice seeing them, and who knows maybe you will reflect and the act of seeking glimmers will change your world as it has mine.
… or maybe you just enjoyed a little Erin tangent, either way I send you hopes for love and light as this year progresses.
Here are some Glimmers from this week-
climbing up the polka dot tree 